ZOMBIE STRIPPERS! - A STEALTH REVIEW BY BILL E. BONES

A STEALTH REVIEW BY BILL E. BONES

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!
A STRIPOFF OR A ZOMBASTIC SATIRE?

Doc self medicated himself tonight, so that he could get enough zzzs and be plenty rested for Resident Evil: Afterlife, which he is planning on seeing in 3D tomorrow. I don't know if even 24 hours of sleep is enough to energise Freak for viewing Milla Jovovich in 3D and just in case I have his portable cardiac stimulator charged on stanby in the lab. The upside of a doped up Doc is that I, Bill E. Bones, have complete control of Freak's multimedia center tonight! I've taken full advantage of this and watched a flick that even Freak, with his low standards, would be reluctant to watch. Thanks to the high-minded folks at Fearnet, which Comcast provides us with their OnDemand content, I was able to watch Zombie Strippers in HD tonight!

Zombie Strippers, which had a very limited theatrical release in 2008 and then went straight to DVD, is the sort of movie that only a lonely zombie skeleton, such as myself could enjoy. I'd like to say that the zombie chicks in this flick were Bones-worthy, but I'd be lying. What I will say is that this flick has some of the most outrageous zombie action of any film I've seen -- and I've seen a lot of 'em! What passed for a plot in this film is that the government, led by a fourth term George Bush, has developed a serum to reanimate dead soldiers to help America's fight in its war against terror. The experiment backfires, as the reanimated male soldiers become mindless flesh eating zombies. However, at least for a time, the female zombies remain intelligent and coherent. While attempting to control a zombie outbreak, a soldier is bitten and after escaping, he seeks shelter at an underground strip club. After he dies, his zombie hunger strikes and he bits and infects the club's star stripper, Kat. When Kat becomes a zombie, her stripping prowess is increased ten-fold and she quickly converts most of the rest of the strippers into zombies as well. The only drawback to this is that the girls all now need to feed on human flesh in order to sustain their zombie strength. Ian, the club owner, is making so much more money with his undead strippers, that he locks the undead male victims up in the club's cellar. Just as his basement is almost filled to overflowing, the girls go out of control and begin slaughtering the male patrons outright.

Zombie Strippers is smarter than it has a right to be. All I wanted was hot zombie chicks who strip and eat people. I got that, but I also got me some satire aimed at politics, the military and philosophy. Still, what really got my bones jangling were the over-the-top zombie gore sequences! The zomibies are in all states of decay and they are beheaded, dismembered, eviscerated and shot to pieces by every fire-arm imaginable! The zombies get their licks in too, as they bite people in the neck, stomach and every other imaginable extremity -- yes, the male strip club patrons get a lap dance that they won't soon forget. All in all, Zombie Strippers is the ultimate death and sexploitation movie of this decadent decade! I gottta get back to my dirt-rack pronto, because Doc Freak's drug induced nap is gonna wear off soon and I don't want to be here before he's injected himself with some caffeinated stimulant.