WE, THE GUARDIANS OF THE GENRE, DO VOW TO ABSTAIN FROM ALL THAT IS MUNDANE AND REVEL IN AND GLORIFY ALL OF THE MANY WONDERS THAT COME WITH THE
ACCEPTANCE OF THE GREAT AND GOOD GENRES!
SCIENCE FICTION! FANTASY! HORROR!
FREAKY FRIDAY! MONSTER NETWORK TV - PUPPET MONSTERS POP!
It was a slow Friday night. Most of my zombie homeboys were safely hiding in their graves, because it was that rare time of the year when Zombzany - my Necromancer neighbor and zombie slaver, for those who haven't been paying attention - released his ghouls from their magical chains to allow them to run free and.... feed. I was in lock down mode in my lab and was cruising the Internet looking for some wicked good monster fun. I stumbled on the website http://www.monstertvnetwork.com. Every week, the monsters of Monster TV Network broadcast a new show on their website dedicated to all things we horror, and monster fans in particular, love. Their very first broadcast on March 22, 2010 featured news on the newly released Aurora Monster models DVD and Maskfest 2010 last March read by Uncle Henry at the news desk. The next feature was hosted by the bats Fritz (cool name) and Frak talking about the 12 inch Night of the Living Dead figures released by ExecutiveReplicas.com. The next feature took place in The Witch's Dungeon and Zenobia the witch looked into her crystal ball for an interview with horror special makeup effects wizard Tom Savini. Other characters on the show in charge of "production" are Boris, Mummy, Claw and Igor. All this is produced by Bill Diamond with great video production and effects work. Monsters Network is like the old Muppets Show; only with monsters and horror themed guests. Try it some lonely Friday night when you're hiding out from hungry flesh eating ghouls... or maybe when you're just hanging out and looking for a few monstrous laughs.
Every month, on Friday nights when the moon is full, I dig up Bill E. Bones' zombie homeboys from Zombzany's cemetery and we have a kick ass party! Why only once a month, you ask? Only when the moon is full does Zombzany the Necromancer take leave of his cemetery to wander in search of more corpses to resurrect and repopulate his necropolis. To celebrate this brief moment of freedom from his necromantic slavery, Zombzany's zombies gather in his graveyard to party till the break of dawn! Ever since I started hangin' with my boney buddy, we've been dancing with the dead every month! No one knows how to party like a zombie! I bring my amplifier and speakers, along with my CD player and latest Cd's (yeah, I know... I haven't upgraded to an mp3 player, but the zombies still think 8-track tapes are high tech). Zombies seem to really dig classic rock -- I still don't understand their fascination with The Grateful Dead -- but recently I've turned them on to the rockinest band in the world! No, it's not Kiss! It's Lordi!
Lordi is a Finnish heavy metal band that sports wicked cool monster costumes and plays tunes inspired by the best of classic and modern horror movies. Their first album, GET HEAVY, features the single "Would You Love a Monsterman?" and other kick ass tunes like "Devil is a Loser", Monster, Monster" and the title track "Get Heavy". Their second album -- and my personal favorite -- is THE AROCKALYPSE and features "The Dead Girls Gone Wild", "They Only Come Out at Night", "The Chainsaw Buffet", "Supermonsters" and my fave "Who's Your Daddy?". If you really want a good rockin' night, buy the special edition CD and you get an additional DVD that has a live concert of Lordi, a documentary on the band and some their best music videos, including the iconic "Would You Love a Monsterman?". Lordi's latest CD is DEADEACHE and even though it isn't quite as badical as their first two releases, it still has some kick ass tunes like "Bite it Like a Bulldog", "Man Skin Boots" and "Raise Heaven in Hell". You don't have to be a zombie to rock out to Lordi. You just have to have a need to listen to loud, hard rockin' heavy metal monster music! Rock on, Freaks!
I just saw Splice at my local cinema this afternoon and was surprised by what I saw. Splice tells the story of a married couple of genetic engineers, who are funded by a large pharmaceutical company to use their genetically spliced creatures to develop cures for human disease that will profit their company. After an apparent initial success at splicing various animal's DNA, Clive and Elsa want to now splice human DNA into their newest creation. But when they are denied permission, they do so in secret by themselves. Their experiment, which they name Dren, grows from a small animal into a human-like girl, which Elsa becomes emotionally attached to. Dren's accelerated growth soon has her maturing into a woman and she attempts to escape the confines of the country barn that Clive and Elsa have been hiding her. Even after Elsa determines Dren's dangerous state of mind and forcibly confines her, Dren escapes and begins to seek answers to her needs in the outside world.
I found Splice to be a very disturbing, but thought provoking film. Unlike similar films like Species, Splice lacked much in the way of violent action. However, as a Science Fiction moral drama, Splice delivered a more sophisticated message on the dangers of humans delving into genetic engineering than Jurassic Park. I liked the fact that Splice portrayed the scientists as human beings with emotional motives and needs, that drive them to make decisions that lead them to create Dren. It is a tribute to the writer-director Vincenzo Natali that he didn't just turn Splice into a creature feature, but continued to drive the narrative with character motivations. The scientist couple, as portrayed by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley, are the focal viewpoint characters and Brody and Polley do a fine job of balancing the intellectual and emotional sides of their characters. There is an interesting conflict of natural verses scientific procreation that takes place in Splice. As a result, several scenes of character's sexual behavior are shown and some of them are quite disconcerting. The only truly gratuitous sex scene is also one of the most disturbing in Splice. However, it is also the most emotionally dramatic sequence in the film. If you go to see Splice expecting to see an action-filled scary monster movie, then you will be disappointed. This is because Splice is not your typical horror-sf hybrid film, but a thought driven story, and in this film freak's opinion, it is far better for it.
My bangin' buddy Phileas Photon zapped into my lab yesterday with a trio of wicked cool blu-ray discs for us to watch. I say "zapped" because even though we contact each other through space and time via email to set up our monthly movie marathons (you'll have to ask Phileas how that works - I flunked out of Introductory Physics in High School), Phileas has the bad habit of just appearing at my crib out of thin air, which is always accompanied by this loud electrical zapping noise! I brewed up a pot of his favorite caffeinated beverage and served it to him black and strong - not the way he likes his women - but that's a topic for another blog.
Our first feature of the day was Legion, a film released to theaters earlier this year to almost universal suck ass reviews. If you aren't familiar with the concept of Legion, it purports to be about God losing his faith in humanity and sending a legion of his angels to destroy his children. His once favorite angel Michael disobeys orders and stands with a group of humans at a desert diner to protect a women who is pregnant with a child that has some sort of hidden destiny. Legion is best enjoyed if you turn off your brain and just groove on the the tasty visuals and kick-ass action sequences. Unfortunately, this freak often can't let sleeping dogs lie (Legion doesn't quite qualify as a dog -- maybe a lost puppy though) and although I enjoyed the mostly snappy dialogue, attractive actors and well choreographed action scenes, I kept wondering two things: Who was the father of the child and why was he so damned important to cause Micheal to side against God? Unless I slept through the answers to these questions they are never given a satisfactory explanation by the writers of Legion. I can only recommend Legion to those who don't care about biblical accuracy and like their ultraviolence without any meaningful reasoning behind it. I liked Legion, but only as a quick bite to eat at a fast food joint, where you're thankful afterwards that you didn't suffer heartburn.
Our second flick was Outlander, which had a very limited release here in the USA early last year. Outlander is a classic example of a film that - in the case of this country at least - the film company didn't know how to promote it. As a result, I don't tink it was given a fair chance to find an audience. Outlander is an odd blend of science fiction and historical fantasy. The plot concerns a human-looking pilot of spaceship crashing on Earth in Norway in year 709AD. He had a deadly monstrous passenger on board that also escaped the crash. Kainan befriends a local tribe and helps them to hunt down the alien creature that is attacking their village and feeding on its people. In the course of killing the creature, Kainan finds friendship, love and more with the tribe and decides to stay with them. This is a well told tale, with adventure, action, and drama galore! It has a wonderful cast that includes John Hurt, Sophia Myles, Ron Perlman and Jim Caviezel as Kanin, who recently starred in AMC's remake of The Prisoner. I urge anyone who likes science fiction, fantasy, historical drama or just a wicked good action drama to give Outlander at try. It won't leave you hungry, but very full indeed!
Our final feature for the day was Daybreakers, which coincidentally was released to theaters just two weeks prior to our first feature Legion. Daybreakers is similar to Outlander in that it combines two distinctly different genres: In this case horror creatures in a science fictional setting, the near future. I had become interested in Daybreakers when I found out that it was directed and written by the Spierig brothers, who had directed and self-financed their first feature, 2003's unheralded zombie film, Undead. I missed Daybreakers at its limited run at the theater, so I wanted to see the blu-ray release as soon as possible. The basic premise of Daybreakers is that in the year 2019, most of the human population has been transformed into vampires, which results in a shortage of human blood for the vampires to feed on. A mega-corporation is secretly harvesting human blood to sell to the rapidly growing demand and in the meantime looking to create a synthetic blood substitute to reap even more profits for the company. The head researcher for the synth-blood substitute becomes involved with a small group of free human rebels and helps them to bring down the vampire run population. This outrageous plot, once excepted, opens the door for many interesting ethical questions, which Daybreakers spends an adequate amount of time delving into. Much like The Matrix, Daybreakers uses the format of an action-science fiction film to help drive the plot and the message. As a fan of both the horror and sf genres, I recommend Daybreakers highly. Unlike the many mainstream critics, I don't think that this film sucks the lifeblood out of your need for intelligent storytelling or exciting action adventure!
It was a slow Friday night. Most of my zombie homeboys were safely hiding in their graves, because it was that rare time of the year when Zombzany - my Necromancer neighbor and zombie slaver, for those who haven't been paying attention - released his ghouls from their magical chains to allow them to run free and.... feed. I was in lock down mode in my lab and was cruising the Internet looking for some wicked good monster fun. I stumbled on the website http://www.monstertvnetwork.com. Every week, the monsters of Monster TV Network broadcast a new show on their website dedicated to all things we horror, and monster fans in particular, love. Their very first broadcast on March 22, 2010 featured news on the newly released Aurora Monster models DVD and Maskfest 2010 last March read by Uncle Henry at the news desk. The next feature was hosted by the bats Fritz (cool name) and Frak talking about the 12 inch Night of the Living Dead figures released by ExecutiveReplicas.com. The next feature took place in The Witch's Dungeon and Zenobia the witch looked into her crystal ball for an interview with horror special makeup effects wizard Tom Savini. Other characters on the show in charge of "production" are Boris, Mummy, Claw and Igor. All this is produced by Bill Diamond with great video production and effects work. Monsters Network is like the old Muppets Show; only with monsters and horror themed guests. Try it some lonely Friday night when you're hiding out from hungry flesh eating ghouls... or maybe when you're just hanging out and looking for a few monstrous laughs.
